well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
