I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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