my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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