Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
