omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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