So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
