I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
