I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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