What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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