After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize