people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
