remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
