I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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