No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Watching her eat just hurts me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
