I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
