U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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