This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
