i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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