it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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