i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
