the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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