What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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