I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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