Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You don't make any sense
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