it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So squirting runs in the family.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
