so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
