Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
