im having a threesome with these popsicles
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
