I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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