Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
