The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
