god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
