woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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