I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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