Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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