i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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