THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
