Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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