I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
