just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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