he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
