it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
