before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.