I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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