sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
