I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
