true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
