im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize