I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
