do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The best revenge is premature balding
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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