Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
