I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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