my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
