its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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