Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
