So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
