im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
