you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
