She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
organizing the empties. That sober.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
