GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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