You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
