How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize