my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
