so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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