bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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