and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize