Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
