I like my sex mixed with concussions.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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