my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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