I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
