That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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