alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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