She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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